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What the hell is going on with you?

the usual.

are you really going to get rid off me just because of two days?? ill ask sans do my shift if its about that.

[ something isn't right. miles kicks himself -- he's so damn tired, he should've noticed it earlier -- J's vagueness isn't flippancy, it's avoidance. she's hiding something, and miles is suddenly uneasy. ]

No, it's not about that.

[ a few minutes later: ]

Are you alright?

[He's not the only one who's tired. J's too exhausted to fight or argue with him. Best to be honest here.]

i will be. just need a day or two to gather myself back up.

[ yeah okay now he's worried ]

J, what happened?

Can I help?

like i said: i did business and it took more than i first had thought [a beat.] with mercenaries.

yeah. let me take a break from work.

[ that solidifies the worst of miles's suspicions, his stomach twisting into knots, and miles, he doesn't even bother with a reply until he's ran all the way from his room to J's, a stitch burning in his side, but he doesn't regret it too much. he's breathing a little hard when he texts her, just outside her door. ]

I'm outside.

[ she didn't ask him to come, he knows. but he decided he needed to. ]

[At first she thinks that he dropped the conversation and went to sleep or something. Well, at least he's now aware that she won't be showing up for a while. Liked he it or not. J, too, closes her eyes and at least tries to get some sleep-- even though she has the feeling it will not come.

But then the MID flashes and there's a sign about unread message. She opens it and--

Fuck! she swears out loud and darts to sit up, she glances quickly at the door before starting to type him the answer.]

you have any idea what time it is?????

[ miles hears her curse from outside the door and he smiles nervously in the empty hall despite himself. ]

Yes. Can I come in, please?

[ it is an exceptionally polite request, because miles, on some level, knows he is intruding -- but he can't let this alone, dammit. he can't. ]

[She really wants to tell him to fuck off. This night has been long and exhausting enough, both physically and emotionally. She already had way too many encounters with people who tried to tell how bad and unsafe her plans were, asking her not to do it. The last thing she now wanted and needed was to hear yet another lecture.

But then again, what else did she expect to get for contacting him? She takes a deep breath and turns her night light on, bracing herself for the coming as she types a reply to him:]

sure.

[He'll find J sitting on her bed, completely nude and skin almost as pale as the blanket she's hugging. Right now she really regrets for leaving shower for the morning. Her blonde curly hair is tangled and eyes smeared with the remaining make up, almost as if she had cried. On top of everything, there's still a faint smell of dried sweat mixed together with a musky and 'fishy' odor coming off from her. She's thrown her dress from the earlier on the chair next to her bed along with all her underwear.]

[ it's probably good that it's dark, that miles can't see everything, but he can see enough. he bites the inside of his cheek, sucking in a breath. his stomach only twists into tighter knots. he edges into the room, makes his way over to her bed, and he almost reaches out to touch her shoulder -- but he doesn't, his good hand dropping back to his side. the other arm is in a cast, supported by a sling. if he had any mind to lecture her before he got here, it's gone now. now he's just...scared. his voice is hushed, cracked with exhaustion. ]

What... [ no, what happened seems like the wrong question. he swallows, concerned gaze fixing on her face. ] Did they hurt you?

No. [J says, voice quiet and raspy, not wanting to risk waking up any of her roommates. There's no trace of a smile on her lips, she's far too weary and exhausted even try to pretend to have any energy or that she is feeling okay.]

It was nothing like that. It was my own idea.

Edited 2016-04-09 17:00 (UTC)

[ there's no judgment on miles's face, just dire concern. it makes his chest ache to see her like this. ]

Why? [ it's nothing but a whisper. ] What was it for?

[At first there's no answer. J doesn't want to tell him, or anyone, why she did it and what she had hoped to gain from it. The guilt that has been eating her from the inside hasn't gone anywhere and now there was only more self-loath and disgust added to the mix.

She bends her legs, presses her body forward and rests her head against knees.]

What does it matter? What's done is done.

You don't have to tell me. I just...

[ he takes a few cautious steps forward until he's beside her bed, but he's not sure if she'll react badly if he tries to touch her. maybe she's had enough of being touched for tonight. ]

I wanted to make sure you're okay. I was worried.

[ he is worried, no past tense there. it scares him a little bit, seeing her like this. it just feels like something went wrong. ]

[She watches him move closer, lips curving down a little. His cautiousness and worry doesn't translate well to her as all that she can read from his body language, the tone and weight behind his words, is uneasiness. She's very well aware of how she looks at the moment, hell, how she even smells, and she doesn't need to have him around if it all makes him feel this uncomfortable.]

Ha. [It's a dry, choked laughter.] You don't need to force yourself. I told you I'm going to be fine.

[ he frowns in the dark. ]

I'm not forcing myself to do anything. I'm here because I'm concerned. About a friend.

[ he draws in a breath and hesitates. ]

I'll go if you want.

Suit yourself.

[Something changes in the way how she looks at him when he drops the word 'friend.' For a briefest beat, her weary yet defensive appearance turns into a something more soft and sincere, making her eyes look like they belong to someone younger, or is it to her actual age,-- but within a blink she's back to normal and turns her head away, burying her face to her knees.

It's not that she doesn't appreciate this or his concern. In fact, she's touched that he came to see her and doesn't really want him gone. But all of this, the emotional turmoil rummaging through her, would be so much more bearable if he didn't look her like that.]

But now that you're still here. [she mumbles to the fabric.] Pass me my cigs. They're on the table.

Edited 2016-04-17 13:15 (UTC)

[ it twists miles's stomach to see her like this, miserable and drawn into herself. but she hasn't kicked him out, and he isn't going to leave just yet, so he doesn't, straying a little closer. ]

Didn't listen to a word I said about smoking on the ship, did you?

[ but it's not a rebuttal -- his voice is soft and wry, hopefully good-natured. he picks up the cigarette case and hands it to her with a little breath. ]

Heh. Sorry, you might want to bring that up to captains or something.

[She sniffles a little, extends her hand to grab the offered case. She brings it to against her chest but doesn't open it just yet. Then, she tilts her head a little just so that she can take a peek at him.

Then, after a quiet moment, she pats the empty space on the mattress next to her.]

Come here.

Yeah, I'm thinking about suggesting a rehab program next.

[ he even chances a small smile, faint but there, and he sits down next to her carefully, cradling his broken arm to his chest. he almost apologizes for busting in on her, but he's worried she'll regret inviting him to stay if he says anything else. so he just sits quietly and waits, patient. ]

That'd probably be the fastest way to raise the mutiny.

[She doesn't take her eyes off him as he moves closer and settles down next to her. At first, she takes a long, good look at his broken arm and the cast, then moves to his stiff shoulders and then to his nervous throat-- and finally raises her gaze to meet his eyes. ]

So, what do you think?

[About this situation. About her.]

[ miles holds her gaze unwaveringly, his gray eyes staring back at her in the dark. he looks at her, silent for a long moment of consideration. ]

Does it matter what I think?

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